Overcoming loss
by Kasey Clark
Summary: Once a favorite character passes, some are left new beginnings and new oppurtunities. RogerMark slash. First fanfic ever!
1. Chapter 1

As I sat there, watching everyone swarm around me, the huge weight on my chest was getting heavier and heavier. I knew soon I'd have to talk to people. Especially Mark. He is always trying to make me feel better.

From behind me I heard a soft thud as someone sat down next to me in the cheap plastic hospital chairs. Collins, he had a tears running down his cheeks. At least he knew where I was coming from. It had been alittle over a year since Angel's death. I wondered if he felt this way when she died.

"It's going to be alright, Roger." I felt Collin's huge hand on my shoulder. I was trying to be stroong, trying not to cry, not here, not where everyone could see.

Collin pulled me into a deep embrace. Still I pushed back the tears that were surfacing on my eyes. I didn't want the others to think I was weak.

"Cry, Roger. It'll help."

And before I knew the tears started flowing. One by one.I vaguely remember one falling down Collins's jacket; it rolling down the side of his body until reaching the end, then dropping off unto the fithly floor.

While my face was buried deep into Collins shoulders, I heard Mark's voice from somewhere behind me. I couldn't for sure, lift my head up now. Mark was my best friend and savior; no way was he seeing me, bawling into my big gay friend's chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry Chapter 1 was so short, promise longer ones to come!**

I woke up in a daze. For a few blissful seconds I had forgotten about Mimi and the hospital and my crumbling life. But, reality took it's toll and my mind began replaying the night before.

The hospital room. Mimi lying so lifeless, the others giving me the last minutes of her life alone with her. She told me never to forget her. She made me promise to never forget the night at the cafe.

I promised her. I hugged her until her body went limp in my arms. We all knew it was coming. She was more sick than the rest of us; and a hell of a lot weaker. But it still hurt to know she was gone.

Realizing where I was my eyes widened. Mark's bedroom? I was lying on his cheap bed, the springs making shrilling noises if I so much as moved a toe. Why was I in Mark's room? And how'd I get there?

As if on cue, in stepped the skinny Jew, coffee cup in hand. I started to stand up, but then my whole body went into overdrive. I felt extremely dizzy.

"Sit down. You need the rest," Mark said, walking over. He handed me the cup, the side of his mouth turning upward. "Made it extra strong, just the way you like it."

"Mark," I took a sip. "How'd I get here? The last thing I remember is being at the hospital, with Collins."

I felt the bed sink as Mark joined me. "You don't remember? You cried yourself to sleep at that place. Collins and I managed to get you home. With some diffuculty I might add. You need to lose some weight, or next time we're waking your ass up."

I tried to laugh, but it came out more as a empty sigh. "Where's Collins now?"

"He had to go take care of the funeral arrangements, but he'll be back soon."

I slammed my fist into Mark's mattress before I could stop myself. Anger began to run through me like hot fire. I was ashamed of acting the way I had. Mimi would have wanted me to be the one to stand strong. "I should be the one doing that," I whispered through tight lips. I couldn't believe I was so beside myself that I couldnt even help plan my love's funeral service.

"Why don't you go take a shower. It'll calm your nerves," Mark suggested, standing up and snatching the coffee sup from my hands. He had been put in this situations too many times before. Me, helpless; him, always to the rescue with whatever I needed. I felt like dirt sticking him there once more and didnt complain when he walked away.

As I was gathering things for my shower, I tried to remember Collins and Mark walking through the streets of New York, carrying me like a child. The thought brought a smile to my lips. Although it still didn't explain why I was in Mark's bed and not my own.

The rest of the day went by faster than I'd imagined. Collins came back to the loft, bringing JoAnn along with him. Both were cautious of what they said to me. I suppose they were forewarned by my rommate on my bad mood. I didn't say much to either of them. When they first arrived I thought I was going to be realived by familar faces, but instead it just made me remember we'd never have the original group together again.

After a few hours and several games of cards JoAnn and Collins left the two of us alone. JoAnn kissed my cheek and told me to call her for anything. Collins hugged me tight and wished me well. I thought of Angel once again. I bet she was thrilled to have Mimi there with her. Both would be singing and having a blast.

"No!" I screamed to myself. If I started thinking of Mimi again, the tears would come back. From then on I had to forget about her face, her beautiful smile, the way she sang to me. It all had to be buried with her. Just like April.

Mark closed the loft door and stared at me. I knew he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the strength or courage to do so. Instead he grabbed his infamous scarf, wrapped it around his skinny white neck, and walked out.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter I decided to write from Mark's POV**

I heard the bed before I heard Roger. I knew he'd be filled with questions on the previous night. Grabbing the cheap coffee mug Roger insisted on buying, I walked casually to my bedroom. From the other side of the door I heard his soft whispers of questions. I broke into a smile without even realizing it.

Seeing Roger on my bed made my cheeks color. Thankfully, he was so self absorbed in self pity he didn't notice. Giving him the cup I sat down next to him. Unintentionally my arm touched his. Quickly I looked up to see if he had realized. But he was still out of it.

I had to get out of the room; fast. I couldn't possibly be having these thoughts when just one day ago the love of his life had died in some hospital bed. Wiping out another one of their kind. Grabbing the coffee cup and walking out I gave a silent prayer of thanks that he hadn't asked why he was in my room.

I had hoped having Collins and Joann over would have lightened the situation up some. But I still caught myself staring at the rocker whenever I allowed my eyes to wonder. Soon Collins or Joann would see my quick glances and know something was up.

It happened quicker than I'd expected. Collins got up from his place on our filthy couch and asked me to help him find something in the kitchen. I cringed. Collins knew this place well enough to know where any and everything was. This is was something else.

"Mark, buddy, are you alright? You seem a bit...out there today," Collins asked me, placing one of his enormous hands on my shoulders.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm alright. Just overwhelmed I guess."

Collins didn't look convinced.

It took a few minutes of procrastinating before I blurted it out into one long sentence. "Ever since Mimi got really sick I started to fall for Roger and now I don't know what to do and I'm afraid he might find out and...and I'm scared!"

Silence insued. I felt like an idiot. I had promised myself from the very beginning not to tell a soul. Because this was just a phase. I'd get out of it when I went out and found a pretty girl who caught my attention.

Collins sighed. I waited breathlessly for him to say something...anything. But it never came. The big burly man let go of my shoulders, let out another long sigh, walked back into the living room, and told Joann they had to leave.

My eyes grew huge. Leave, they couldn't leave. I couldn't be left alone with Roger. He needed someone to talk to, to comfort him. I definitly wasn't going to be that person by that point.

I watched them leave with a sinking heart. From the moment I closed the huge door and took one look at Roger's dazzling green eyes I knew I had to get out of the loft. It broke my heart to leave my best friend all alone when he needed me most, but I cared for our friendship enough not to risk it over my stupid emotions.


End file.
